


What's that on your shoulder?

by Etoile_du_Nord



Category: Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Crack, Gen, I have No Excuse, Not Beta Read, Sorry Not Sorry, Starscream is insane (maybe)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 10:45:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6371686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etoile_du_Nord/pseuds/Etoile_du_Nord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starscream discovers his conscience. Neither of them is happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's that on your shoulder?

_This is so. Fragging. BORING._

Doing his best to appear attentive, Starscream resisted the urge to grimace at Megatron’s latest plan. If you could even call it that. It sounded exactly the same as all other plans their wonderful leader had concocted since they’d arrived on this planet, the only variation being the location and whatever gimmick-of-the-week was the target/being used. And of course, Starscream’s input had not even been considered – Second in Command his aft. Instead, the seeker he checked the space above silver shoulders once again, humming slightly as he propped his chin on one hand. A slight growl made him look up just in time to catch the displeased frown on the warlord’s face.

“Something you want to add Starscream?” Megatron all but sneered at him.

The seeker opened his mouth, more than ready to point out every single fault in the newest “brilliant” plan when…

_“Ooohh, go on, go on! This is gonna be such fun!”_

_“Bet you he gets slagged before he manages to get more than two sentences out!”_

Starscream barely stopped himself from flinching at the two high-pitched voices by his audials, snapping his mouth shut with a click when their comments registered. No matter how much he hated to admit it, what they said struck true and he would definitely get beaten up – again – for criticising Megatron – again – and land himself in the Medbay – yet _again_. Instead, he quickly shook his head, doing his best to ignore the twin disappointed whines and kept his face blank as the silver mech threw him a suspicious look at his uncharacteristic silence. The rest of the briefing went by far too slowly for the seeker – between Megatron’s suspicious glances, Soundwave’s mental probes (glitch still couldn’t get past his defences, thank Primus) and trying to ignore the various comments of the owners of said high-pitched voices, by the time he could retreat to the privacy of his quarters it felt like he’d just gone for a few rounds of Jet-judo with those accursed twins and _lost_.

 

Leaning against the locked door to his quarters, the Air Commander ex-vented loudly. A flicker of red to the side made him look at one of the two sprites he had been doing his best to both heed and ignore. Doing crazy loop-de-loops above the desk was what looked to be a miniature Starscream, smaller than his fist. However, the odd creature sported, instead of seeker wings, a pair of black bat wings and a pointed tail of sorts, also black. A second sprite, identical to the first, shot from Starscream’s left shoulder to join the first, starting a fight for no apparent reason and giggling like a maniac the whole way.

Starscream shuddered at the sound, edging his way to his berth as he eyed the two with a wary optic. They’d appeared approximately two months ago, after a battle against the Autobots. At first, the seeker had though he was glitching and when he couldn’t find any fault in his code had demanded Hook run a full diagnostic scan on him. The medic had grumbled but obeyed his superior – as he should! – but could find nothing wrong with the Air Commander ( _“Besides the usual, of course, but I can’t fix crazy.” -_ Starscream had punched him for that comment, before leaving the medbay with wings held high and near vibrating in fury).

 

He’d tried everything in that first month to get rid of the two creatures, ignoring them, trying to physically crush them, screeching at them to go away…but none of it had worked and all he’d managed to accomplished was reinforce other mechs’ conviction that the Second in Command was completely and utterly insane (gesturing and screaming at seemingly thin air could only be explained away so many times).

To make things even worse, he couldn’t figure out what the two actually _were_ , and that really annoyed the scientist in him. Hallucinations generally don’t last that long, and he would have been able to find a glitch or virus if that was the problem. He had figured out that whatever one of the two said usually sounded like a good idea, or influenced his decisions…until he caught on to the fact and started checking himself. His will was his own and he would not let two little unknown… _things_ control him! No matter how tempting some of their suggestions were.

As time went on and he resisted doing the creatures’ will more and more, Starscream realized he was suffering less beatings and humiliation, and the time he spent in medbay was drastically reduced. Many were puzzled by his new behaviour, and Megatron was _very_ suspicious, but unless Starscream physically did something treacherous there was no justification for beating him up. All it would do was bring down troop morale even more. So all the tyrant could do was goad Starscream on – which prompted the little monsters that accompanied him everywhere to suggest more (stupid, _reckless_ ) actions, which in turn meant the seeker restrained himself even more and…well, it was a vicious cycle.

 

In desperation at finding a cure for his “condition”, Starscream had turned to the human internet for information. He never expected to find any answers, considering the organic species as primitive. Then he’d happened upon a cartoon depiction of a human with two smaller version of it on its shoulders, one with white bird wings and a halo, and the other with black bat wings and pointed tail. Unable to believe the uncanny resemblance, the flier had done further research on these “Shoulder Devil” and “Shoulder Angel”, eager to find some way to be rid of them…only to realize they were just folklore and meant to represent a person’s conscience.

He’d glanced at the two sitting quietly (for once) on his right shoulder vent, only to find gimlet stares directed right back at him, devious smirks he was more used to seeing in the mirror on identical faceplates. He’d taken in a deep invent…and finally crossed the line into belief (and probably insanity), by asking the first thing that came to mind:

“Isn’t one of you supposed to be fluffy?”

One of the two…devils...flew up in front of him, smirk turning into a full on grin and practically purred. “But isn’t this way more fun?”

That was the first (but not last) time he gave into the urge to facepalm.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no excuse. NONE. 
> 
> This little gem *points up* was inspired by the following fan art: http://waywardinsecticon.deviantart.com/art/Starscream-s-conscience-18579669
> 
> (If anyone has a deviantart account, could you please let the artist know?)
> 
> The whole thing is the result of late night, seeing this picture and reading "His Dark Materials" just before going to bed. And of course, my brain tried making sense of it all and ended up spitting this piece of crack out. Enjoy? (and apparently all I can write for this fandom either involves Starscream, crack, or both...)


End file.
